Category Archives: women empowerment

Must Read: Is Being Civil Online too much to ask for?

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Hi lovelies,

As my regular readers most of you know that my blog was started as a positive space for women. Where I can promote love and civility between our female species. Unfortunately it saddens me to realize that somehow the message is getting lost in space. I need to find out a better way of incorporating that as a theme of my blog that will stand out enough for infrequent visitors of my blog.

I am tired of the negativity I constantly witness online being thrown from one female to another. The minor details sometimes someone will point out that wouldn’t stand out to a regular browser of the blog to give someone a bad day or feeling. Thankfully I haven’t had that many brush ups with negative comments as I have seen some really brilliant bloggers having to deal with. But of course atleast a few had to land in my lap too right?

I have numerous times talked about this issue in real life that people should look into details provided before laughing off an issue that potentially could be a serious problem with someone. But this seems to be a common issue with most human beings these days especially the female population that in order to make themselves look better, they would topple and climb over as many other females as possible.

I understand doing things like this in person or face to face because you don’t have enough time to process what comes out of your mouth but online? On a blog? as a blogger? on a post? Most bloggers spend time thinking, creating and editing their posts to provide quality work to their readers. So how come in this whole span of time someone thinks its appropriate to be mean? Its worst when it comes from a somewhat established blogger.

I have constantly also told people around me that it’s best to not say anything if you have nothing positive to say. It really makes me wonder people’s intention when they outgoingly say cruel things to their friends, coworkers or anyone else for that matter.

When all else fails and we know we can’t change the world right away. And that world can only be changed one person at a time. I am going to leave you with this message:

If you are on the receiving end of a negative comment and you did nothing to instigate it then you know you are doing something right. People spend time to make you look bad because they saw something in you to begin with in the first place that bothered them about themselves.

So ladies lets keep our heads high when those negative comments are thrown your way and keep your lips sealed when it comes to negativity because change needs to start from within us and we have to be the change we want to see in the world.

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Must Read For Women: Prisoners to Our Body Image – We need to Break Free

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Have you ever heard these below comments about yourself or uttered them towards other women?

“Her dress is way too short”

“She always wear such tight dresses and skirts“

“That top is too low neck, she always her boobs out”

“Ewww haha she looks like a boy”

“Chicken Legs!”

It is very easy to show our disapproval towards other women’s bodies and their clothing but it is much harder concept to understand the reasoning behind it that not everyone is out to get attention, show cleavage or prefer to be made fun of by wearing baggy clothes. Women everywhere are uncomfortable in their own skin due to the judgements that get passed on them by other fellow women. If anyone should understand this it should be other women. From my own experience growing up as a stick thin person in school hoping to attain a few curves to now hiding my curves as much as I can. It has been a constant tug of war at the stores when looking at clothes to buy.

It was an interesting journey to understanding this point when I saw similar items on other fashion bloggers  that I am rocking only their hem line seems to be much lower than mine. They almost can pull of their bodycon dresses or skirt as a sophisticated pencil skirt where as pencil skirts have become mini skirts for girls like me. I talked to a quite a few friends who are  busty and realized how easy it is for me to find a cute low cut top but a regular top make them look like the town spectacle where everyone is gawking at them. I have spent hours buying countless items at the store thinking oh this is perfect for work only to realize oops it isnt looking as long as it did in the mirror in the fitting room. Mean while on the other side leaner and petite girls are cinching their wastes, lifting their hemlines to not look like they are drowning in their mothers hand me downs. No need to laugh at them or mock them, they are well aware that they wish the dress fitted them better.

What I am trying to convey is that cut your female counter parts some slack. Similar things appear different on different body types. Adding a few inches here and there can make a perfectly long knee length dress appear short on someone while removal of those same inches here and there might make clothes appear baggy. I understand there are options like tailoring your clothes or getting them altered but honestly not everyone has that kind of money.

Some women are naturally busty and unfortunately no matter what they wear their stuff is always going to be in your face. There is no reason to snicker and call her a slut because for all you know she could have spent hours trying to adjust that top to make it look more appropriate before leaving the house and this might be the best she could do.  It’s easier to understand your body type and its short comings cause your living in it. But every single body type has its ups and downs. Just like certain things dont work for you but you do what you can to enjoy a sense of style and fashion, so do other females. Take a deep breath and let them be because I am sure you appreciate being treated the same way. You wouldn’t understand  them fully unless you walk a thousand mile in their shoes but atleast try or just keep your lips sealed.

I understand not every style of clothing is made for every single body type but sometimes given certain body types nothing seems to fit right. I have attached some of celebrity pictures to this post as an example for those who like to think visually to understand a concept.

Please take some time for today onwards and make a pact to be less judgmental and be understanding of your fellow women. It’s time we give up the catty remarks and making others feel uncomfortable.

Kim Kardashian has one of the most curvaceous and talked about body. No matter what she wears everything seems to cling right to her curves and here is a prime example of a dress Kim wore which was also worn by Posh Spice who ofcourse looks just as impeccable but is way more leaner and sleeker than Kim.  Now think about the girls who you saw rocking a dress at the mall the other day that you and your friends spent hours judging. Is it her fault that she is either too skinny or too curvy to fit the clothes that the society will deem the ideal mold of a certain type of perfect women?

STOP JUDGING LIVE AND LET LIVE

kimposh

Preity Zinta and Kim Kardashian

PREITYANDKIM

     JLO and Blumarine Versace model

jlo

The No nonsense Attitude

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                  Like this post if you accept the Challenge to be the Super Hero with the no nonsense Attitude

This seems to be the year of growth from me. I am going through a lot of changes in my life all at once at home, at work, mental and oh boy physical too! But I wanted to get somethings off my chest in hopes that maybe some other person specially females out there might relate and learn a thing or two to adjust their own attitudes in life.

Rewind 2 years ago I was everyone’s escape goat, someone who trusted people easily, Always giving everyone benefit of the doubt! Thinking oh man I should continue being the bigger person and let them act like immature childish two year old, I can take it I am an adult. But guess what happens at the end of the day? You get tired, you get annoyed and things start getting to you! Why is it your problem that they need to learn to be the grown  mature adults that they need to? Why can’t they go on with their sorry life continue on the path of destruction elsewhere?

I am not sure how or what brought on the change in me but it only seems to be getting stronger. I have come to a conclusion:

“Nice people need to have a no nonsense attitude, just like the super heroes! “

Now you must be wondering who are these aforementioned kind people and what is their no nonsense attitude?

Kind people are people who want to save the world, who want to counsel people, make sure everyone is happy and everything is peachy clean, birds are chirping and there is peace all around them. What most such people lack is the no nonsense attitude which is: I will be the kindest person you’ll meet till your cross me and no I am not going to make your life a living hell…I would just walk away. But If you continue to bring the fight to my yard I will snap your neck! If you were to make someone’s life a living hell then I am sorry you just have mislabeled yourself as a kind person, you need to go back and look into that mirror trust me you are ANYTHING BUT KIND!

I wish I would just go around and shake everyone that I know that is nice and kind and deserves to have this attitude! Tell them to wake up! Tell them its okay to just grow a thicker skin just to protect yourself. I understand the fear behind growing a thicker skin.. trust me I was dealing with it and still am to some extent. The fear that you will become just like them is pretty legit but guess what? You have this sense of control for a reason so why not utilize it when needed? You can still be a nice person and not take crap from someone. Learning to put yourself first is a hard thing to do specially if you have always put others first your entire life but hey just this thought is a good start.

If all else fails tells yourself by helping and tolerating those that make you miserable you are wasting your good energy! Good energy that someone who is worthy of your help and kindness needs. I have found sarcasm to be my best friend. Use it when needed but most of all walk away as fast as you can because peace in the world might never be attainable but peace in your own life definitely is!

You know what works the best? Having the confidence in yourself and sometimes just dressing up! Dressing up like a bad ass! Leather, Metal whatever else floats your boat! Take your clothing as a role that you play! Feel that its a part of your exterior that who you are! You can always change what you dont like about yourself just like you change your clothes!!! And since halloween is around the corner even better! I for one will definitely dress up as a super hero!

YOU AND I BOTH DONT HAVE TIME FOR THIS…life is too short, dont waste it on people that dont matter. Get up brush off the dust that they have thrown all over you just because your too kind and accept the challenge to at least give being nice but accepting no nonsense attitude a try. Together we will attain a more peaceful life :)

 

 

Why is it so easy for you?

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This past weekend I went into one of my moods again. The one where I am just completely heart broken and don’t understand why is it so easy for most people to not care? And I don’t understand why do I care beyond reasoning? I guess I wouldn’t even be questioning my emotions if others weren’t so quick to point out how I worry too much or how I need to just chill or relax.

I wish I could find someone who would share my emotions of fear for someone, wanting to comfort them and reach out in some way to create a positive impact on someone’s life. I don’t understand why when talking to complete strangers or reading someone’s blog who is going through tough times and fighting to keep their head up, I have this immediate impulse to reach out and see if there is anything I can do to help them figure it all out. That feeling just drives me insane! And if I am stupid enough to share it with someone I get the typical “There are millions of people dying everywhere how many can I save?” I really wish I could ask those people how did you learn to no care? To close your eyes and walk away. Sleep at night and not thinking about that stranger who seemed distraught and you just walked by without asking if everything is okay? But I don’t cause the more I question them the more awkward I feel cause their numbers just keep growing and I don’t find anyone who seems to share the turmoil that I feel when put through such a situation.  With me I guess it just adds up overtime and then I spill over and I will spend that evening just crying and question my husband how can people be so cruel? why isn’t someone else’s pain bothering anyone?

People are so quick to judge. So quick to speak the negative, to ruin someone’s day. But when it comes to positive? They will just stare blankly and think its best to keep quite. Many a times I have caught people around me bringing others down by telling them something doesnt look right on them or they did something wrong but they chose to get the feeling of bitterness and kept their mouth shut when something looked great on someone or someone did a great job. I wish there was a filter where people could check off negative comments coming out of their mouth and multiply the positive ones by ten. I have started living by the rule that if I am staring or thinking about a positive thought about someone for longer than 10 seconds that means I am moved by it so I am going to verbalize it.  The smile they give me after I finish my compliment makes my day. They are happy someone noticed and I am happy that they are happy!
Why can’t more people be like that? Why do I feel if I continue doing this people that are mean around me will learn by example? Why is it that I don’t learn to just let it all go…or is it because I don’t want to change because I feel more people should be this way and despite my agony and despair, what I am doing is what needs to be done!

The only reason I came up with is a lot of times when I see people that feel alone, depressed, sad, attacked and I can put countless hurtful words here, I can relate to them. Although I don’t advertise it but I used to be them at one point growing up. I know how it feels when you ache for something and hence I want to be that something that they are missing. But sadly I guess if you have lived that life you either turn into someone like me or someone who hurts others just like they got hurt….but I really wish there were more positive outcomes of tragic life situations than negative ones…

Can we not all just get along? Learn to watch our comments to others? Can we not all just reach out to a stranger who needs a helping hand? Can we not just all learn to love everyone equally? To not bully and to not poke fun at. Can we not just ignore the differences? Charity done in the form of money shouldn’t be the only thing that should help you sleep better at night or clicking numerous likes on a facebook post or picture for a cause!  You shouldn’t care about recognition or an award that someone will say you donated such and such for the cause or got a badge of honor. You should live for the smiles, the happiness, the satisfaction and looks of content you give you people around you! Whether you will see them everyday or maybe never again! Atleast that person will remember you and it will always bring positivity to their day when life seems dull and grey!

So ask yourself why is it or why isn’t it so easy for you? And just give being positive a try for a day that is all I ask! Hopefully you would love the satisfaction of knowing you made me smile with your effort :)

Your Weekly Style Shopper: Not your Damsel in Distress (Featuring Ciara)

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Hi dahlings!

This has been a crazy busy week for me since I work for a University and school just started. We have tons of last minute reading, decision making and admitting going on and being the go to person for all things missing in our system can get quite hectic! I was glad I took my 2 stress free and technology free days off last week before the craziness began. Quite honestly it wasn’t so hard to survive without my cellphone, facebook, laptop and work email on my finger tips! I did watch TV and spent time doing some couple activities with the hubby (not talking about naughty stuff here but I found some amazing things like 50 questions to discuss as a couple, board games etc) and my mood for this past week was just insanely good! I had to spend some time reflecting and realizing why do I get so stressed when some people such as my husband would just chug along fine in the same situation. It’s a mental thing, its the people pleaser persona, the go getter and the hunger to finish all things assigned to you asap (not achievable if you are covering tasks for yourself, someone who retired at your job and then everyone else in your own family aka mommy and daddy)

So that lead me to my Style Shopper title for this week. I want to be in control, not panic and do what I have to do with a smile! And ofcourse all the smarties in the world know that you need to start believing the change to start making the change. so I decided to done on some girly moto jacket, a tight mini skirt. some heels and spikes! Trust me once you get the look you will feel the surge of adrenaline like you can do anything without breaking a sweat :)

I thought this red moto jacket is better than the typical black we always see so I decided to do a little reversal of colors and viola here we are! Clearly Ciara knows the right attitude!

Moto Jacket: 2b -$36.95

Earring: Spiked Hoops – Forever 21 -$3.80

Heels: Charlotte Russe – $17.50

Skirt: Forever 21-$8.50

A good read for High End Brand name buyers and for ladies hoping they can afford to buy those!

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Hiya! I have been MIA again for a day or two! The long weekend just put me in a world of my own and I am having a hard time getting back to regular world and work :)

So my thought was I need to write, write about something I will feel passionate about something that will get my blood pumping and get me back in touch with the realities of the world and possibly realities of fashion world!

You can be fabulous on any budget! You dont have to live life thinking oh I wish I could look like this or dress like this or could own that!

So you have been eyeing those expensive brand name heels and possibly a bag or a dress or two. How much of your bank will you break if you were to drop some cash on those items? who knows? maybe your entire life savings (just kidding but close to it!) Why is it that we feel the need to buy brand name items? Trust me I was a big name brand victim! Growing up in the middle east you always wanted the latest of everything! The electronics, cell phones, clothes, brand names and yes even cars! It was always a cat and mouse chase who is going to one up who next. It took quite some adjustment when I moved from place to place, continent to continent and eventually settled in US. Back then the cell phones in the US were outdated and so were the clothes! The brand names I used to buy in Europe and Middle East weren’t even heard of over here! I had to stick it out with the few that were available. Then something changed….something for the positive. Somehow and I don’t know how long it took but it clicked in my head that I dont have to spend 90 dollar on a pair of tube top that is barely 0.5mm of clothing just because its labelled Betsy Johnson! I can take my 90 dollars and come back with atleast 5 pairs of dresses! Get some use out of them and throw them away not feeling guilty that one piece of clothing  was 90 dollars and I have only worn it 20 times in a year!

What I am trying to imply is yes it is okay to have a few name brand things in your closet and splurging on yourself once in a while but if you are having feelings of insecurities that so and so friend of yours is buying brand name things and you cant seem to afford them THEN STOP…slap yourself real hard and tell yourself this:

“IT IS NOT THE LABEL that makes the person or the clothes! It’s the person that makes the clothing!” Repeat after me and chant it over and over again till you fully understand this.

I might buy the most expensive items and wear them in such hideous manners that you would never guess they came off of the rack of BCBG or Michael Kors!

And quite honestly some of the things I didn’t even realize why were they such a rave for example I refused to love or buy Coach bags till they started making bag without their brown logo all over it! (The original coach design) Do I want to be a walking billboard? No. Just because everyone is buying it, you and I dont have to buy it! Do you really think some of these items cost 700 dollars to be created? not really its just the price you pay for their logo! Well there are some stores that will give you the back story of why something is so expensive so fine charge me big bucks if you really have a good reason to.

So girls every where listen up! Dont feel bad if your budget is 10 20 or 100 dollars a month! Save up a little for that one big ticket item but feel free to flaunt your not so expensive labels because you my dear are the one that makes that dress amazing, not the logo!

Here are some of the cheap fantastic finds I’d like to share as examples. Feel free to comment on the post, agree or disagree after all we are a community and we must discuss whats on your mind :)

Charlotte Russe Metallic Snake Skin Pump $30 buy here

Forever21 Pleated Lace Bodice Dress $24.80 . Buy Here

Forever 21 Rope Necklace $7.80. Buy here

H&M Turquoise Bag $17.95. Here

H&M Flower Dress $24.95. Here

A must read for all women: are we seriously what they call us?

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Hi Lovelies! I am back today with a lot on my mind. One of the main reasons I started my blog was to empower women, to help women love themselves and respect each other. Let me dive into a quick story. Last night I googled one of the very famous fashion blogger online and found a website where women were bashing the poor girl in whatever shape or form possible! At first I sat there and read it out loud to my husband, the whole time laughing at the naivety and sheer jealousy of these women but at any mention of the word “jealousy” they will turn the tables around then collectively bash the accuser. Soon it became darker and gloomier, my laugh faded. Their jealousy according to them was a sign of them caring for the blogger’s mental issues (which of course the ladies had collectively concocted as well)

Fast Forward to today. I had been furiously working away in my cubicle when one of my college friend decides to Instant message me. We were talking about the fast approaching summer and how we all need to get in shape. The last time my college friend(a male) and I had met was in 2009 when I weighed a mere 93 pounds. Now I am exactly at 120 perfect for my height only I am alil heavy on my lower body and curvy over all. One thing leads to another and my friend who hasnt seen me in person in years based off of my pictures chooses to tell me that I am now officially over weight. My first instinct was to laugh how can someone call me fat? I was always told I am skinny and just when I thought I am the right weight I am accused of being fat ? My next reaction was to get hurt and act defensive. So just because my pictures made me look super bottom heavy I would be labelled overweight or fat. If this is how I am being treated then how harsh is this world really to women who are slightly large? It just saddened me and I felt I needed to say something in hopes someone will listen to me.

These stories made me realize that women are continuously molded and twisted to fit a certain shape or form! It made me realize that we will never be perfect in anyone’s eyes thanks to the media! We will be always be too skinny, too fat, too crazy and too whatever!

Look at the picture of Kim Kardashian attached below that were by mistake released by Complex.com before they were photoshopped. Feel free to read the retouching they did to her here if you cant spot any immediately

Well then guess what? We have to take it upon ourselves to fix our own selves! our own lives, our own esteem and happiness. No one will come and patch it up for us. Wear things that make YOU happy not them. Put on makeup that makes you look the prettiest in the mirror not them. You want to work out? get in shape? do it for yourself! do it for health reasons. Don’t care what they say!

Media has taught each one of us to be critical of other women. Women walking past you will look you up and down and will try to weigh you as to where you fit in and where they fit in within the society. We collectively have to break out of this mold of insanity and just be ourselves!

Please feel free to comment and share your thoughts and stories! I would love to hear from you and what you are doing to make your life more happy and positive for yourself and not for them :)